Recently, the Telegraph in the UK did an article on the ‘10 Ugliest cars in Britain’ and we had a good chuckle, but then it dawned on us here at AF that there are quite a number of cars running around on Malaysian roads that also look like they’d fallen off the ugly-tree and hit every damn branch on the way down.
So us being bored on a Friday afternoon decided to compile our own list, and out of respect for the Telegraph, we shared our opinion on one of the cars they deemed too ugly to be seen in or driven around in daylight, if only to give you our account of what transpired afterward. Do check out their list in the hyperlink at the end of this article, but in the meantime, check out ours!
In no particular order, here’s AF’s Top 10 Ugliest Cars in Malaysia! By the way, we’ve actually seen the Mitsuoka Orochi (above) in Malaysia, but never ‘on the road’ hence it’s just an ‘honourable mention’ and didn’t make it to the list!
10) Hyundai Matrix – The only reason this car made the list is because till today, we cannot believe that an esteemed design house like Pininfarina (yes, that’s the Pininfarina logo next to the C-pillar up there) could regurgitate something as diabolically atrocious as this. If it were just the result of an in-house design job by a pubescent intern at Hyundai, we might be able to forgive its total lack of imagination and pizzazz, but because it was penned by Pininfarina, it definitely belongs here.
9) Changan CM8 / Chana ERA – It looks like a stiff breeze could knock it over, because someone anchored the wheels to the ground then used an industrial-strength junkyard electro-magnet to stretch it upwards, headlights, grille and all. It’s the most unstable looking thing on the road, an accolade it gloriously usurped from the Suzuki ER-V, which was no prom-queen either come to think of it. Apologies for the really small photo, my computer simply froze when I tried to post the large shot…
8) TATA Telcoline 4×4 – When this venerable carmaker from India made its way here some years ago under Scott & English, it was during the height of the (then) new ‘lifestyle’ pick-up truck craze, and what better way to get on the bandwagon than with their very own pick-up! Or so they thought. It’s hard to find a truck with absolutely zero redeeming qualities, but the Telcoline has to be one of them. It looks like it’s been slapped together from a discarded parts bin. The plastic wheel covers and over-fenders by Tupperware were an especially bad touch.
7) Proton Arena & Juara – What’s a Top 10 list without some national pride? In all fairness the Arena has sort of become a collector’s item now since it’s no longer in production (thank God), and used units still command a decent second-hand price. It did quite well in Australia apparently, where it was sold as a UTE called a Jumbuck. Still, a Wira front mated to a pick-up body didn’t win it any points for aesthetics. It’s second only to the box with four-wheels on it, the absolutely shiversome Juara. The fact that this was the first-ever Proton with electric power-steering really didn’t matter. In Japan, the Mitsubishi version is used for public sanitation works, no sh*t.
6) SsangYong Stavic – In some configurations, the colossal Stavic can seat up to 11 passengers and a driver, that’s how friggin’ huge it is. Drive up to one and you’ll think someone accidentally left a barn on the highway. It’s also a magnificent lesson in practically with zero design input. We reckon this was the design brief: Lights here, here and here, grille here, wheels in four corners, glass here, here, here and here, cram in a lot of seats, go raid our parts warehouse for whatever you need, okay go build it, now, I want it by next Tuesday! Good grief. I wish I was kidding but I don’t think I am.
5) Mini Paceman – Poor old dearly-departed Alec Issigonis must have turned in his grave when this monster was introduced some time ago. To us, the Mini Paceman is the absolute antithesis of everything that a Mini stands for, right down to the very basic fact that there is absolutely nothing ‘mini’ about it whatsoever! It’s as big as a Honda CR-V and totally dwarfs the original Mini (above). They should have just renamed it the ‘Maxi’. The fact that it just looks like a Mini One that’s overdosed on anabolic-steroids and Botox doesn’t help much either. (photo from www.vroom.be)
4) Mercedes-Benz Vaneo – Oh what the hell were Mercedes-Benz thinking when they launched this mini MPV monstrosity! I recall an overseas drive some time back with Mercedes-Benz, and when I pointed out a Vaneo that we’d chanced upon while driving along, the chaperone from MB actually cringed! I kid you not. He then mumbled something along the lines of ‘yes, that’s something we should not have built; it shouldn’t have a Mercedes logo on it’. ‘Nuff said me thinks.
3) Porsche Panamera – If it were not for the Porsche crest fore and aft, I doubt many would consider buying this ‘car’ on looks alone. It’s too big and bulky for starters, and although I’m pretty sure it’s an accomplished interstate highway / Autobahn blaster, it’s just too wide, long and cumbersome to be taken as a Porsche seriously. It also looks like someone simply stuck a wagon-butt on a Cayman front, and then pumped a gazillion PSI through the tailpipe to inflate the whole damn thing. Why Porsche even bothered with this I’ll never know. Maybe someone high-up said ‘Hey let’s take a 911 and mate it to a Cayenne SUV and see what happens!’ Must have sounded like a good idea at the time. Its rear-end is the most unimaginative, uninspiring design I’ve ever seen on a Porsche.
2) Ford Lynx TX3 – My affinity for Ford’s amazing TX3 1.8 promptly ended when this Lynx ‘bubble-butt’ version was hatched in the mid-90’s. Although it was one of the very first cars to be sold locally with dual front-airbags, it was also downright ugly with huge ‘googly’ eye headlights and an arse that looked like it belonged on a different car altogether. It was too radical a design departure from the much-loved TX3 ‘sampan’, and sales of this Lynx were beyond dismal. This eventually led to (then) assemblers AMIM Ford to axe the TX3 line altogether, which was really a shame, so yes, I blame this monstrosity for that. (photo from www.carsales.com.au)
1) Fiat Multipla – Now here’s a vehicle that’s so ugly it doesn’t even have a classification. It’s actually been referred to as a 6-seater car, if you can buy that, but many simply call it an MPV. During its launch I actually asked the (then) CEO from Fiat if the Multipla was designed by the visually-impaired division of the Fiat Design Department. He laughed out loud and I wasn’t invited to a Fiat event for many, many years after that.
Well, that’s our Top 10! If you have any ‘honourable-mentions’ that you can think of, feel free to list them in the comments below. Meanwhile, if you’d like to have a look at what our counterparts in the UK have to say about the same topic, log on to http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/picturegalleries/11182573/10-of-the-ugliest-cars-in-Britain.html?frame=3082835
[Photo source: Wikipedia, Google Images, www.Vroom.be, www.CarSales.com.au]